A note from Angie

Posted by on Apr 1, 2013 in Updates | 63 Comments

We are officially home and trying to adjust to all that it brings.  Will is doing okay and seems a little better and more present since coming home.  He even had enough strength to go to church today, which was incredibly beautiful.  I wanted to hold on to every moment and wished it would never end.

Hospice is in full effect with round the clock nurses yesterday and starting today a nurse 8 hours a day and on call.  Sitting in the nurses station at the hospital, speaking with the hospice representative is something no one should ever have to go through.  I was listening to her, thinking “How did we end up here?”  “How am I a 32 year old wife planning hospice care for my husband?”  “No one this young should have to answer these questions or make these decisions.” It was so surreal and incredibly difficult.  But I want to assure you all that us choosing hospice is not going home to give up.  We are fighting harder than ever.  We are not giving up on Will and he is not giving up either.  We have no idea what the future holds and there are moments that we are overcome with heartache and discouragement.  Then in the next breath there is hope and peace.  And sometimes both in the same breath.  But, our hope is in Christ and trusting that his will is good and even if our peace in this truth is not constant, it is real.  In that we also have the freedom to try everything we can as a cure.  I don’t know if any of it will work.  I don’t know if Will will one day wake up completely healed.  I don’t know if Will will see his next birthday.  But the truth is, none of us know if we’ll see our next birthday.  Will is still here and I will never give up on him.  The situation is bad.  This can not be denied.  I have felt sorrow to the point of it physically hurting and shaking my body, uncontrollable sobbing, not being able to stand or walk on my own from crying so hard.  Feeling so sick that I couldn’t eat for days.  I have felt emotional pain that I have never felt before and would not wish upon anyone.  My heart breaks and then breaks more until I felt there was nothing left to break.  But, as a friend told me awhile back when I was sharing about my fear of what the future might hold, he said all we have is now.  And, right now, Will is here.  He is alive.  He is living and loving and crying and laughing.  He is holding hands and hugging and sharing stories and cracking jokes.  And, all of this in the few hours a day that he’s awake.  Our days are no more guaranteed than his.  So whether his last day in near or if his body begins to heal and his last day is years from now, I know we have the moment we’re in and we want to live that moment well.  Will has taught and is teaching me how to do that.  He has shown me how to live and love now.

26 Comments

  1. Erin Homesley Booth
    April 1, 2013

    Angie,
    I am so thankful that Will found such an amazing woman to be his partner, wife and best friend in life. It was obvious to me, the moment that you and I first met, that you were that person that God meant to be Will’s other half in this life! I now see that there were many reasons for this, that I could not even see at the time…Your strength, love and faith are so refreshing and encouraging…Will has been a light in my life from the time that we met, in high school choir. I was BEYOND BLESSED to have had some really great times with Will singing, writing laughing, and making music and lifelong memories together…And he has never ceased to encourage me to pursue my passions. Anyone who has ever met Will says the same thing: “He is one person that you can NEVER forget!” There is something incredibly special and unique inside of Will that God placed there for a reason. And I also believe that God is NOT FINISHED with WILL GRAY!!! I have faith that He will heal his hard fighting soldier and give Will even more of a witness to share with the world! Love to you, both! NOT GIVING UP!!!

    Reply
  2. Mary Floyd
    April 1, 2013

    Angie, You and Will have a love that will last forever; don’t change how you love or live now; Continue to live life to the fullest as if each day is your last. Everyday I read the updates and I cry and I pray for my beautiful cousin and for you. You have brought joy to his life and I know that he has no regrets, because he is living his life to the fullest. His life and your life and love inspire me and thousands of others. You both have faced this tragedy head on, but God is not finished with Will yet. Continue to believe, to live, to love, and to laugh. William’s healing is coming, I claim it Jesus the Christ, Jesus my Christ, Jesus our Christ. I love you both and am in constant prayer.

    Pray without ceasing.

    Reply
  3. John
    April 1, 2013

    You are both showing us how to live and love now. I am so encouraged and blessed by your lives. Thank you for letting us enter into this story. You are in all my prayers and all my hopes. #goteamgray

    Reply
  4. Kathy Page
    April 1, 2013

    Will and Angie, I just heard your story recently. I admire your strength and faith and love. I have been a teacher in PSSD (Paris, TN) for many years, and remember you as a student. I am praying for you and sending love.

    Reply
  5. Krista
    April 1, 2013

    Angie–we do not know each other I learned of yours and Wills story through a mutual friend–Joy–I can not tell you what a complete and total pillar of strength the two of you are; not only are you going through one of the most horrific times of your life but you have chosen to share it in a most public forum so people everywhere can know exactly what and how to pray for. Your strength brings tears to my eyes and the love you clearly have for not only your husband but for your God and your total faith in him is simply amazing. God bless you and keep you in his loving and never ending mercy and know that there are more people out there praying for you guys and your family/friends than you will ever be able to count!!

    Reply
  6. Linda Winrow
    April 1, 2013

    Will and Angie you do not know me, however I am Keith Milhouse’s mother in law. Sandee sent me many emails on your *BROKE company. She also expressed what a wonderful song writer and singer you are! I just found out about your fight. I want you to know that I am sending up prayer to our good Lord. I have with my own eyes seen his miracles. Let’s hope he wraps his arms around you and you will know if it’s a miracle for this life or the next. May the Lord be with be with you both every day. Linda

    Reply
  7. Mark Imbriglio
    April 1, 2013

    Been praying. Still praying. Will’s music often frequents my playlist, more-so these days.

    CMC Semester 8

    Reply
  8. Keri Harvle
    April 1, 2013

    Praying for you guys everyday. We love you and are broken hearted. We pray God heals your heart and Wills body.
    Thanks for sharing your story and being open with your life.

    Reply
  9. Amy Getzen James
    April 1, 2013

    Praying, Will and Angie. Asking for the Lord’s grace to be abundant and for strength to see the goodness that He give in the land of the living.

    Reply
  10. Michael Andre gray
    April 1, 2013

    William beat me thumb wrestling…..he cheated……priceless

    Reply
  11. Holly
    April 1, 2013

    I thought about you all many times during Holy Week. At our Maundy Thursday service we sang The Servant Song and I just wept thinking about all that you are going through and all the people lifting you up.
    I will hold the Christ-light for you
    In the night time of your fear.
    I will hold my hand out to you;
    Speak the peace you long to hear. – The Servant Song
    Love, Holly

    Reply
  12. michael adler
    April 1, 2013

    Grateful to have been brought in to your story in recent weeks. I have meditated on this conversation from your web site over and over again:

    -On this Holy Week, Will reminds me of a suffering Jesus. He is going through almost every pain imaginable.
    “Do you need anything Will?” one asks.
    He whispers, “Everything.”

    Will answered for all of us. We all have need of Everything.

    Reply
  13. Emily Wiltshire Nichols
    April 1, 2013

    Sending up prayers for you and sending you love. Doing my best to share your burden. ~Emily

    Reply
  14. Maria Lueders
    April 1, 2013

    We’ve never met. I saw your story at church yesterday and the whole night, I couldn’t stop praying for you. You are both strong and shining HIS light. You are covered in prayer and I’m hoping and praying with you.

    Reply
  15. Crystal Ramon Taylor
    April 1, 2013

    I wait for your morning emails so I can know exactly how to pray. It was a blessing to hear “your voice” today. You are such an inspiration to me as well as Will. I am not losing faith or hope. As one of our gospel songs at UU said, “God knows your name”. Neither of you are not forgotten by God or the people who you have impacted. I will continue to lift both of you up to our Majesty, for He will do what no other power can do!

    LOVE
    CRYSTAL

    Reply
  16. Paula Stockdale
    April 1, 2013

    I have know Will through his mom and family here in Tennessee. He went to school with my sons. I have not had the pleasure of meeting you, but I want you to know everyday I pray for you and Will. You are right, none of us know the day and the hour the Lord will call for us. What we do have is right now so continue to live and love as you are doing staying prayerful one day at a time. May God bless you and continue to give you two strength.

    Reply
  17. Beth
    April 1, 2013

    Continuing to hope and pray. I keep listening to that beautiful song “Do You Remember.” It is so beautiful Will. I want to hear more of your music. Not giving up.

    Reply
  18. Leah (Duke) Cook
    April 1, 2013

    Praying for a miracle with a capital M. Praying for you constantly, and just know that the world is wrapping their arms around Will with prayer. Thank you for your honesty, and thank you for sharing how we can pray specifically.

    Leah

    Reply
  19. Carol & Gordon Johnson
    April 1, 2013

    Glad you are home, Will and Angie! Praying and thinking of you so often throughout my China day. I was touched by Will forever asking for your nearby presence…you are an amazing woman, Angie. Loving and Praying…

    Reply
  20. Matt Inman
    April 1, 2013

    “some things cannot be stolen.”

    Reply
  21. Sandy
    April 1, 2013

    Your strength is amazing. I pray for you both often every day. My heart breaks for you and yet is filled with so much hope. Prayers continue…

    Reply
  22. Matt Inman
    April 1, 2013

    well said.

    Reply
  23. Reagan Carfield Berry
    April 1, 2013

    This is amazing. Still praying for a miracle!

    Reply
  24. Catherine Culley
    April 1, 2013

    So thankful that you are home and that you were able to attend church. God is so good – praying for you all.

    Reply
  25. Bethany Weaver
    April 1, 2013

    Your love and faith is beautiful. I’ll keep praying for you and Will. My heart goes out to you.

    Reply
    • Glenda Tharpe-Mayo
      April 1, 2013

      So glad to hear that Will was able to attend church….such strength & determination. I pray for you both daily. There is a song that I have grown to love & I believe these words, “The Lord Will Make A Way Somehow.” Trusting & believing in miracles. Love u both.

      Reply

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