I’m sorry for the lack of communication lately. It’s been hard to know what to say or to have the focus to sit down and write. I want to say that everything is going really smoothly and Will is getting better everyday, but the truth is, very few days go smoothly and Will will do really well for a couple days and then have a set back. It seems like it’s always 2 steps forward, one step back or 1 step forward and then 3 steps back. So, it’s just hard to say and therefore I don’t say anything.
Our days continue on and so does this battle. Yesterday, Will told me it feels like a street fight is happening in his body. Today, he compared it to a civil war. But, even though there is a war happening inside his body…he is still here. We are at 7 weeks since we found out and inching near 8 weeks come Friday.
Friday night the AC in our apartment went out and with temperatures in the upper 90s, our apartment heated up rather quickly. At around 3:30am, the heat was so bad that Will woke up because he couldn’t breath and his heart was racing. We hooked up the larger oxygen mask for him and called the hospice nurse. I think the fear of not being able to breath caused a panic attack which then increased the intensity of everything he was already feeling. Eventually he stabilized and we ended up just sleeping with our front door wide open to keep it cool. The next day Will was so wiped out that he stayed in bed and slept all day. It was the first day in about 2 weeks that we didn’t go outside. That day seems to have been a pretty major setback. After spending the entire day in bed, he lost most of the strength he had worked so hard to gain. Saturday, ended up being a difficult night as well and again Sunday he was pretty wiped out.
We were referred to a homeopathic doctor in Santa Monica and Will started seeing her last week. After such a difficult weekend, Will woke up Monday and had enough strength to go down to Santa Monica. If he is able, we will go twice a week, for him to get Vitamin C IVs. She is also keeping up with his blood work and all the supplements. She was very honest about what she may and may not be able to do, but she is willing to do all that she can. Of course, I would love for someone to say “this is exactly what we’ll do and I know it will work”, but I respect and appreciate her honesty. We’ve gone twice now and Will has done really well both times. It is taxing for him so we’ll just take it one appointment at a time.
This morning, Will was once again incredibly tired, but as the day went on his energy seemed to increase and we even made it back out to the pool. When we came inside, Will watched some NBA playoff highlights. It’s the little things that I never would have given a thought about in the past, that now feel like Christmas. Anything Will does that brings some sense of enjoyment to his life is a beautiful thing. I never would have thought that hearing Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith talk about Dwyane Wade’s knee would bring me such joy, but today it did.
Tonight a friend came over and we started talking about the book of John. It was beautiful to hear Will share his thoughts, to read, and pray. He was very engaged and was able to think and process more than I think he had in quite awhile.
Even though all of these amazing moments have taken place, Will is still in extreme pain and is very weak. Sometimes I forget the intensity of his constant pain because he is so calm and patient with it and is never snappy. But, as I watch him struggle more and more to get out of bed or to take a step, I am quickly reminded of the pain that he never gets to forget about. The pain in his chest seems to be the worst, but he now has pain in his left hip and right lower back as well. At times he also seems more tired and less energetic. But, then out of no where he’ll get a burst of energy and want to get up and go outside or look at his phone or sit in the wheelchair. It’s amazing. It brings life all around. The apartment will feel so quiet and at times really discouraging or even depressing and then Will pops up and it’s like the apartment comes alive and is filled with energy and hope and joy. It bring color to life. He brings color to life.